What’s Holding You Back?

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

Ephesians 4:31-32

LEARN

When I was younger, I made decisions that profoundly affected my future. During those years, I was abused in many ways, and it shattered my heart into tiny little pieces. When I stopped running from God and turned back towards Him, there was much work that needed to be done. I not only had to learn how to live a different kind of life without my normal coping skills, but I had to heal from the inside out. During this time God took me through a journey of forgiveness towards myself and others. This was hard because many people had wronged me so deeply that I didn’t think I could trust anyone ever again. However, in the Bible, it says “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” Matthew 6:14. And I knew I had A LOT that needed to be forgiven. So, I started walking through the process of forgiving those who had abused me, lied to me, stole from me, rejected me, etc.

What I learned is – forgiving someone is not saying that what they did was okay. It simply releases you from the burden of the hurt. What I found is as I released these people and these memories to God, the sting was taken away. As I forgave, I was able to now tell the stories without resentment or hurt in my heart. It was as if God was taking a magic eraser and erasing all the hurt that came with each painful experience. The more I forgave people, the freer I felt. I was being lifted from the burdens of resentment, bitterness, and pain as well as being forgiven myself for the wrongs I had committed along the way.

KNOW

Think of it like this – each time a painful experience happens, and you hold a grudge or choose not to forgive that person, your heart hardens. When our heart hardens, this causes us to not be able to love ourselves or others at our full capacity. It puts walls up around our hearts and causes us not to let people in. This can lead to a very miserable life. We were created for relationship with each other and when we have hardened our hearts, it makes it hard to have a close relationship with anyone, including God. And it’s a Biblical principle. In Hebrews 3:8, it tells us not to harden our hearts. This does not mean though that a person should just stay in an abusive relationship and keep forgiving the abuse. There are times when a relationship is toxic and/or abusive and it calls for a separation. Forgiveness of the events would come later in the healing process.

Forgiveness heals your heart so your heart can be whole again to receive God’s love, and the love of others, and allows you to be able to love others well.

DO

Here are some practical questions you can ask yourself to start processing any hurt you have from your past.

1. Ask God to show you anyone from your past that you need to forgive.

2. Ask Him where he was during that moment.

3. Ask Him if there is anything else you need to know about the memory.

4. Ask Him to heal your heart and help you to release this burden.

5. Pray this prayer, “Father, I choose to forgive _________ for _________. Help me

to release this burden once and for all. I realize this is not saying what ________

did to me was okay, but it says in your word that I must forgive so you can forgive

me. So, I forgive ___________ now in the name of Jesus.”

To grow in your relationship with God, find your identity and walk in your purpose - check out Rachel’s workbook called Unlocking Freedom. 

https://www.amazon.com/Unlocking-Freedom-Connection-Discover-identity/dp/B0CQV1HYJR/ref=mp_s_a_1_4?crid=16G3B8WUP6UO7&keywords=unlocking+freedom&qid=1705007839&sprefix=unlocking+freedom+%2Caps%2C164&sr=8-4

Are You In a Season of Waiting?

“ But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”

Isaiah 40:31

LEARN

Seasons of waiting can be daunting especially when you have been praying for

something specific for years that you have yet to see come to pass. There are several

things that I have been praying for specifically for over ten years now and still... nothing.

There have been times when I got discouraged, got disappointed, and cried out to God

like, “Why have you forsaken me?” You may be laughing, and when I think about those

times now, I do too. But in those moments, there were real tears and real frustration.

But what I have learned is that even if God doesn’t answer all of my prayers and even if

some of the things I have been praying for for years never come to pass – He is still

good!

Psalm 136:1 “Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good. His love endures forever.”

In moments of frustration and disappointment I had to choose to praise Him anyway,

still my heart, and know that he is still good, regardless (Psalm 46:10).

KNOW

It can be hard to still trust God and know that he is good when your body is broken

down with chronic illness or you have no money in your bank account to pay your bills.

It can be hard to see God as a loving God when you feel like he has left you or

abandoned you because what you think should happen is not happening. It can be hard

when you have been waiting for your husband to come and you are still single, feeling

left behind. Or you are married, and your husband and you can’t stop fighting. There are

many hardships that we go through in life that can cause us to doubt God or think He is

not for us. However, the opposite is true. He is with us, always. He is for us and not

against us. Even in the midst of chaos and heartache, He is still GOOD!

DO

What can you do in the seasons of discouragement?

 Get out of the negative spiral by praising Him anyway and shifting to gratitude

 Find scriptures and meditate on the goodness of God

 Remember all the good things that He has done for you

 Sing praise music

 Dance unto the Lord

Anxiety and gratitude cannot take up the same space in the brain at the same time. And

when we are in moments of discouragement – this can turn into anxiousness, because

ultimately, we are trying to figure out a plan to make it happen ourselves.

Shift from the negative mindset to the positive by saying “thank you God that I have my

life. I have food in my belly, clothes on my back, and a roof over my head.” Add

whatever else comes to mind. The more we can stay in gratitude, the more those

negative thought patterns lose control in our lives. This is not only Biblically but it is

scientific as well!

God’s ways are higher than ours and for whatever reason in your season of waiting -

God has said it is not time yet. So instead of complaining and working yourself up into a

spirit of depression - Trust that he knows best, and, in His timing, everything will be

made perfect.

To grow in your relationship with God, find your identity and walk in your purpose - check out Rachel’s workbook called Unlocking Freedom. 

https://www.amazon.com/Unlocking-Freedom-Connection-Discover-identity/dp/B0CQV1HYJR/ref=mp_s_a_1_4?crid=16G3B8WUP6UO7&keywords=unlocking+freedom&qid=1705007839&sprefix=unlocking+freedom+%2Caps%2C164&sr=8-4

You can also connect with Rachel through her website at www.daretolivefree.net where she offers holistic biblical counseling.

Is Waiting a Gift or a Curse?

Psalm 130:5 “I wait for the LORD, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope”

LEARN

I hate to wait. Wait in line. Wait for mail. Wait for a text back. As a society we are so accustomed to the “instant” whatever of what we want or perceive we need. Hello, instant pots! The slow cooker’s fast and simple cousin. However, as I have sat in several seasons of wait in my life I have realized two things. 

1. The season of wait is precious to the LORD and it can be a gift he gives us. I remember what seemed like long days of infertility as month after month the pregnancy tests came back negative for 3 years. Over 36 times feeling rejection from a simple little stick. The doctors didn’t have answers. The holistic professionals said relax. And as we hoped to one day be parents it seemed everyone around us was popping out kids and getting pregnant so quickly. Not easy for the girl who doesn’t like to wait! I had a sweet friend and mentor who calmly told me one day, “Just wait. Trust his timing.” While God’s timing has rarely ever been mine, His has always been the best timing. For all of the parents out there, you know having kids is not easy. While it was worth the wait, it is hard. God was teaching me things about him and myself before I had kids I could only learn and discover in the wait.

1. A place of wait can also be a gift to God. We often hear about worship and honoring God, but what about waiting on him? Patiently every day with our quiet trust telling ourselves and Him, “I trust you. I trust your plan. Your ways are not my ways and your plans are not my plans. Yet, I will trust your timing, not mine.” I love this verse in Psalm 130 that says “my whole being waits.” My mind finds rest because he is in control of the situation. My body finds comfort because he formed me in my mother’s womb. My spirit knows he had plans for me before the formation of the world. 

KNOW

Waiting for most will never be easy this side of heaven. Focusing on His word, worshiping and praying will bring comfort and “a peace that surpasses all understanding,” as Paul reminds us in Philippians. It is not an easy road, but worth it. Since hoping 8 years ago for a baby have I grown better and more patient in waiting? My husband would probably answer no! The waiting hasn’t gotten any easier, but it does get sweeter. Things don’t always work out like I hoped, but His nearness and what I can learn and where I have grown after a season of wait has me trusting Him even more. 

DO

• Has there been a waiting period that felt especially hard or long for you? Is there a verse or scripture passage or even a worship song that brought you comfort during that time? Share it with a friend or someone else in a similar situation. Having a community during a waiting period is so precious and helpful. 

• Can you recall a friend or even a person in the Bible you can point to that “waited well”? What did they do that stands out to you? How did they cope?

• If you are currently in a season of wait, hang in there! Pray a simple prayer “gifting” your wait to God. Tell Him you are grateful for this time and for Him to show you what you can learn or need to see while you wait. Ask him to draw near to you and He promises us He will! (James 4:8)

Where do I Start in Dealing With Stress?

“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” Proverbs 17:22

LEARN

Do you have chronic inflammation in your body, or constant restlessness in your soul? Most of us have some sort of inflammation or stress in our bodies and minds. As God created us as whole beings with bodies and souls it is important for us to look at every area of our lives that can be contributing to bettering or worsening our health in regards to stress! Understanding our stress allows us to be more authentic in our relationship with the Lord, others and ourselves.

KNOW

Below are the areas you can examine when desiring to work through stress in your life from a holistic perspective. We recommend you take an afternoon and journal a paragraph in each area how you feel you are doing in each category, and 1 thing you would like to work on.

Spiritual Health
Emotional Health
Physical Health
Digestive Health
Social Health
Detoxification
Nutrition
Sleep

DO

We have a few ways we are able to help you figure out how to tackle all the areas listed above!

1. Biblical Counseling- our counseling uses a whole health approach that helps women honor God with their bodies and souls.
2. Stress Mapping Intensive: Our stress mapping intensive gets to the root of your stress and helps organize all of your stressors in a way where you can concretely start to make steps away from stress and into peace.
3. Nourished: A 5 week (online) study for women on food, fitness, and identity as it relates to the fruits of the spirit.

And……
For those of you who are desiring to help other women in a more holistic way, consider doing our Holistic Biblical Counseling Certification or Christian Health Mentor Certification- for women leaders desiring to grow and teach other women about Christ-centered health and wholeness.

What Does Jesus Look Like Through the Eyes of a Toddler?

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good. Romans 8:28

But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. Jeremiah 17:7

LEARN

Let me preface this blog post by saying you never know how much you can learn from a two year old! You think they are supposed to learn from you, and ideally they do, but boy oh boy can they teach you a lot about life too! I nannied for three years in college, and one summer I lived with the family I nannied for. I could probably write a whole blog post about all the things that sweet toddler taught me that summer, but instead I wanted to share how reading books with her taught me a little more about the heart of Jesus.

Here are some things I’ve noticed about reading books with a two year old. First of all, they rarely want to stay on the page you are supposed to be reading and would rather go back to previous pages, or jump ahead to future pages. Sometimes, when they try to “help” you turn the page, they take a big handful of pages and practically skip to the end of the book. They also want to read the story over and over, sometimes even pretending they have no idea what’s going to happen on the next page, when you know they already have it memorized!

Finally, you definitely cannot ignore the insane amount of times a two year old asks the question “Why?” when reading a simple picture book. Why did she do that? Why did he say that? Why are they wearing that? Why is it yellow? Why is it big, small, short, tall? You name it, they ask it! However, something I found to be particularly interesting is the fact that oftentimes they ask why about all the tiny details that have no relevance to the story. I’ve noticed that these irrelevant whys can lead them to miss the whole point of the story. One night in particular, when I will admit I got a little tired of all the whys, I realized this is likely very similar to the way God feels. In this moment I became overly aware of how many times I ask God why.

First let me pause to say I do not think God gets tired of us asking why the way we might get tired of a two year old asking why. I do not believe He gets annoyed with us, but instead honors our curiosity and our desire to understand and experience Him on a deeper level. He truly wants us to know Him, so I am confident He welcomes any opportunity to commune with us and respond to our questions, worries, fears, doubts, etc.

Therefore, I do not believe I am wrong for constantly wanting to ask God why things happen the way they do (both the good and bad things). Rather, I think the short, beautiful moments I spent reading with my tiny roommate began to open my eyes to the way Jesus wants me to live. When a two year old can’t get over the color of the mommy’s dress three pages back, or the size of the dog’s ears two pages ahead, I sit there and feel slightly frustrated, wishing she would understand what the story is trying to teach her (or at least let me stay on the right page long enough to finish reading all the words).

Maybe, just maybe, this is how Jesus feels about me, about all of us. Maybe He wants us to know that if we just stay on today’s page, the here and now, we will start to see the full picture of His movement in our lives. He doesn’t want us to stay stuck a few pages back in our story when He is ready to unveil the future pages He has prepared for us. Likewise, He doesn’t want us to skip so far into the future that we miss out on everything He has to offer in the day-to-day (which always seems to be a whole lot more than I expect… He definitely never fails to exceed all of my expectations!).

I know God has already written my story. He placed me in this world to fulfill a unique purpose crafted perfectly for me, just as I am certain He has done the same for you. However, when I obsess over all the whys and beg Him to reveal the reason and meaning behind everything that happens in my life, He probably sighs a little bit. Not because He is disappointed in me, but because He so desperately wants me to see what He sees. He wants me to be free to live in the moment, confidently acknowledging His sovereignty over my past, present, and future. Something tells me the answers are right there in front of me, and that maybe I’m asking why about all the insignificant details. Meanwhile, Jesus is so excited for me to fully embrace what He has in store for me today, right now.

KNOW

God sees you right where you are, just as you are. He sees your past and your future, but He has placed you in your present for a reason, to glorify Him. We are called only to trust and follow – trust the Lord to turn the pages when it is time and follow Him with confidence that He will work all things together for your good.

DO

• Meditate on the scripture verses above. Spend time in the word, prayerfully asking God to reveal His trustworthiness to you.

• Can you think of a time when you may have gotten ahead of God rather than staying present in the things He was calling you to? What was that like? How were you able to center yourself back toward the present moment with Him?

• Commit to spending 5 minutes before bed each night this week to reflect on where God was in your life that day, helping remind you of His presence and movement in your present moment.

How do you Fight Your Fears With Faith?

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity but of power, love, and a sound mind. “

(2 Timothy 1:7)

LEARN

Fear of failure, fear of judgment, fear of the future. What we anticipate happening can overwhelm our minds. According to Webster’s dictionary the definition of fear is, “an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger” Ultimately, fear is just an emotion. This emotion focuses on what we think might happen. I want to add to this definition. The Bible reminds us in 2 Timothy 1:7 “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity but of power, love, and a sound mind.” So if this is true as we have Christ’s Spirit living inside us, fear is also a lie from the enemy. 

KNOW 

Satan whispers lies to us and twists the truth. We focus our minds on what might happen and forget that we have a weapon to fight back. That weapon is concealed unless we wield its power. That power is our faith. Our faith is the confidence we have through Jesus Christ. It’s not just a matter of mustering up the nerve and saying “don’t be afraid,'' it's the reality of we are strong enough when life hits! Our confidence is in His Word and in Christ. This is the living power of the Bible.  Faith isn’t just head knowledge, but it is the action of the heart as well. We want to be a faith walker and not just a faith talker. We are known by our actions and not just our words Faith is a gift from God. It is not just based on our works and acts of love. It is given to us as a blessing! 

“By grace, you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God.” (Ephesians 2:8)

DO 

These are six action steps that I have developed to walk in faith while fighting back against my fears. I have to live and breath these steps when facing doubt and uncertainty or when I sense the enemy trying to steal my joy and confidence. 

1. Put on Armor 

In Ephesians 6 we are reminded to, “put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes.” We need to be dressed and ready for battle. We need to not just have our confidence in the helmet of salvation, but also in the belt of truth. We want to walk around “fully dressed” and ready to fight back against any lies and schemes we may begin to believe. 

2. Renew your Mind 

“Let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes.” (Ephesians 4:23)

The Bible promises us that the Spirit will renew (change) our thoughts and attitudes. Stop. Really contemplate that for a second. Your mind can be re-wired. That right there is amazing and life-giving! Dr. Caroline Leaf, a neuroscientist who has done extensive work with head trauma patients describes neuroplasticity, and how the brain can change. It can be renewed with positive thoughts, memorizing scripture and studying the Word. She describes the process as little stems like small trees growing in our brains and coming to life that doctors can see in scans. On the flip side, negative thoughts and toxic emotions can cause parts of our brains to die. 

If we want to have our thoughts, attitudes, and minds transformed than it does take effort on our part. We need to spend quiet time with the Lord and memorize scripture to “guard our minds”. 

3. Bow in Prayer 

Prayer is one of, if not the main, disciplines of our Christian walk. This is the straight communication and intercession through Jesus to God the Father. In her book, Praying God’s Word, Beth Moore associates scripture and prayer as putting together two sticks of dynamite. One stick alone is pretty powerful, but the two sticks together, when we pray God’s words back to him from the Bible it is a force to be reckoned with! I urge you to try this for yourself. I have been astounded by the impact of praying God’s word, starting in the Psalms with a verse or two. David was so raw and vulnerable in these passages it is impactful and so meaningful to fight the battle of fear and anxiety. 

4. Stand and Share 

If we can share our burdens and fears with one another they can have less power over us. We are all built for community. By sharing and speaking out about where you are struggling or losing the fear battle it allows others to share their vulnerability as well. It takes courage but it also opens doors to allow God to restore and renew you through his followers. They can share your struggle, but also rejoice in your victories! Paul challenged us in Galatians, “Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ” (Gal. 6:2 NLT). Don’t buy into the lie of the enemy that others will judge or not want to help you and encourage. Some may judge, but that is probably based on their own insecurities and fears. So many others will want to lift you up in prayer and even have a word of scripture to share with you. 

5. Praise and Worship 

“Worship and worry cannot live in the same heart: they are mutually exclusive.” 

-Ruth Bell Graham 

So if worry and fears are the focus in our heart which springs to the mind continuously, it will push faith out! On the flip side, the exciting news is that if worship and praise are what is filling our heart and mind there is no room for worry to take root and lay hold of us. I love the story in 2 Chronicles 20 which tells of when the Israelite army was surrounded on all sides, their commander Jehosaphat sought God in prayer and God answered with a peculiar battle plan. He told them to put the choir (the worshippers) in front of the warriors. They headed into battle singing praises to God and it so confused all of the opposing armies they began to fight one another! In her book, Strong, Braved, Loved, Holley Gerth references this passage and says, “Praise is the sling and stones. The secret weapon. Stronger than our solutions. Mightier than our education and experience. More effective than a thousand bullets...to be a worshipper is to be a warrior.” I want to be a warrior! I will fight my battles and fear with a song in my heart and praise on my lips. 

6. Laugh out Loud 

“She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the 

future.” (Proverbs 31:25) 

For our final action step, I included this verse that I would dare to dream could be my life verse. I hope by the end of my life my children could etch this scripture into my tombstone as the epitome and culmination of my life. Oh, the irony it would be and glory to God that the woman who suffered through anxiety and panic attacks, laughed at the end of her life without any fear of the future! Life is tough and we are told we will face trials of many kinds. Sometimes to lighten up the situation we just need a good belly laugh. It is therapeutic to look a friend in the eye and laugh until we cry. God has blessed us with so much in the hope of our eternity that sometimes to release the pressure valve on our circumstances we need to have a good laugh and let His delight in us wash over us and take hold of any fear we may be facing. 

I hope one or all of these action steps can help you fight your battle with fears! I hope you can find JOY where there was once FEAR and LAUGHTER where there may be WORRY. REMEMBER who walks with you and sees your fears. He doesn’t condemn your fear and worry but wants to carry it for you!

What Does a Holy Rest Look Like?

“By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work. Then God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done.” Genesis 2:2-3 (NIV)

LEARN

A few weeks ago, I told myself I wasn't allowed to go to bed until I checked everything off my to-do list. I came home from work that day and immediately set foot to complete the list. I threw some laundry in the wash and then pulled out the vacuum, getting excited as I anticipated answering the question, "What did you do today?" with how productive I had been. Not only would I receive praise and maybe a silent clapping emoji from anyone who heard about my beautifully completed to-do list, I would also feel much better about myself than I had the few days prior, right?

As I began the mundane pattern of pushing and pulling the vacuum across my hardwood floor, I started thinking about my motivations behind this to-do list. I also started thinking a lot about rest and my lack thereof. I realized that somewhere along the way, I learned to associate my productivity with my worthiness.

Growing up, I was a pretty proactive kid. I remember staying busy almost all the time, even if busy just meant playing with my neighborhood friends. When I got to high school, I became even more busy. I signed up for just about every extra-curricular possible, and then did my best to excel at each of them. I'm saying this simply to recognize the pattern I developed early on of finding my value in my productivity and activity. I don't recall my parents or peers ever explicitly telling me that the more I did and the better I did it, the more important I was. In fact, I can vividly recall the way everyone else around me balanced their productivity with rest. My dad was (and still is) an avid napper, my mom made sure to prioritize evening walks no matter how busy her day was, and my friends were great at napping, sleeping in, and binge-watching Netflix (three things that have never been a part of my regular skill set). Nonetheless, I carried my pattern of productivity into my college career.

My very last semester of college, I found myself more burnt out than ever before, clinging to the hope that once I graduated I would finally take time for myself, for true rest. I would say the first couple of months post-grad I succeeded at my goal of finding rest. Even then I looked at rest as a task to not just complete, but to excel in. Now, here I am almost one year post-grad and I am finally starting to learn the real importance of rest. This theme of rest has been all around me, almost begging me to acknowledge it in a new way. I've fallen in love with a very talented napper, my church has given multiple sermons on the beauty of rest, and I am haunted by the empty time and space that fills my life as I continue to grow into this new stage of life, requiring me to rest.

Recently one of the pastors at my church preached about the balance between work and rest, emphasizing the creation story and how God rested on the seventh day. My pastor said this shows us that rest is the "completion of the creative act." I can’t help but wonder if God did this on purpose to set an example for how we should live our own creative lives. After all, He's God, so He surely did not NEED rest, but He rested anyway. Like God did in this story, we must make rest an intentional and purposeful choice. 

Some of you are probably chuckling to yourself as you read this, thinking about how easy it is for you to rest, how you love taking naps or settling down with a glass of wine at the end of the day or going on a sunset bike ride with your kids. If that's you, I envy the beautiful, balanced life you have created for yourself and I seek your guidance as I work to create that for my own self as well. I do think I'm headed in that direction, but it's a journey I must continue to grapple with.

During one of my regular neighborhood walks, I came across a view just a few blocks from my home that I had never noticed before. I stood for quite a while at the top of a hill overlooking the airport and the bay filled with sail boats and lovely twinkly lights. I marveled at the way the sail boats looked as they sat perfectly still in the harbor with the sunset behind them. It appeared to me that the restful nature of the boats is what made the view so beautiful. The majority of the boats were simply docked in their place and if all of them were out sailing, the view would have looked much different. In fact, if the boats had been active, most of them probably would not have been in my sight at all. 

I became frustrated each time an airplane flew by, obstructing my view of the pleasantly still harbor. What if we are called to be more like the sail boats and less like the airplanes? What if God is looking out on us begging us to just be still? Maybe our rest is a part of the picture He has painted of creation, and if we don't take hold of a holy rest we will continue to fly right through the painting, never stopping to become a part of it as we were created to.

In case you were wondering, my to-do list remained only half completed that night a few weeks ago. I went to bed early and even left my laundry in the dryer. I know, crazy right?

KNOW

One of my favorite worship songs is written from the perspective of Jesus calling us to himself, to find rest in him and to anchor ourselves in his peace. I’m beginning to think that rest is simply the act of coming to a stillness in Christ. This can mean spending time in prayer and in the Word, but it can also mean allowing yourself to nap despite your lengthy to-do list, sharing a meal with your loved ones and not getting up to do the dishes right away, taking your dog on a run, and SO much more. What does resting in Christ look like to you?

My prayer for you and for me is that we each learn what it is that brings us closer to a holy rest and that we don't allow productivity to become the indication of our worthiness. I have a pretty good feeling that this holy rest will give us greater insight into our worth and value than anything else could.

DO

• Spend time reading the creation story and reflecting on God’s choice to REST on the seventh day.

• Listen to your favorite worship music and spend time praying for a holy rest.

How do I Fight the Battle I Have With Bulimia?

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God - this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
(Romans 12:1-2)

LEARN

Let’s be real here: it’s hard to be a woman in today’s society. It seems like everywhere you turn, someone is telling you who or what you need to be - how to truly be a woman. “Real women have thighs”, “real women wear __ size pants”, “real women eat cheeseburgers”, “real women don’t weigh above ___ pounds” - the world seems to have a hundred different versions of what a “real woman” looks and acts like. And, if we’re still being real here, it’s absolutely crushing.

As a woman who struggles with being a perfectionist, and has spent her whole life in a world that’s constantly shouting instructions for so-called “perfection”, I’ve gotten to see the damage these expectations have done in my own life. In fact, I was impacted by them so heavily that for nearly four years I battled an eating disorder.

Now, before we start, I’d like to set the record straight : eating disorders are ugly; they’re soul-crushing and all-consuming, and unfortunately, so often they are also invisible. At least, that was the case for me. Because of the idea of what “real eating disorders” look like, nobody ever noticed that I was unhealthy - including myself - until I was already so deeply engulfed. I had an off-and-on relationship with Bulimia through many seasons of my life; at first it seemed so trivial, and later, just another one of my quirks. So what if I lost 15 pounds in a week, right? It wasn’t a big deal, I had bigger things to worry about. But this quirk, this “small issue”, just sat inside of me, growing stronger and stronger, until it saw an opening - then it took over completely.

Now, this all started before I was a follower of Christ. It wasn’t until nearly 3 years into having this disorder that I finally accepted that Jesus is Lord, and things finally started looking up. I can’t tell you that all of my problems were fixed as soon as I accepted Jesus into my life - it doesn’t quite work like that - but I can tell you that through Jesus, I was given a fighting chance to finally win this one battle. So, if you’re sitting at your computer screen and feeling that drop in your stomach, which is probably either a little too empty or a little too full, please keep reading - this is for you.

Your body does not belong to you. “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body” (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). Your body belongs to God, so why are you mistreating it? If you were to house-sit for a close friend, would you let all of their plants wither and die, or would you do your very best to keep them alive? Why aren’t you willing to steward your own body well in tribute to the Lord?

I know that right now, food rules your life, but it shouldn’t. “For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit” (Romans 14:17). The kingdom of God is so much bigger than the calories you’re counting, the meals you’re eating or not eating, or the size of your body. Your Father loves you more than you can imagine, and He made you in His own image. This is a battle God never wanted for you to fight, but He will give you the strength to fight it, and eventually, come out victorious.

KNOW

• There is no one shape or size that glorifies the Lord.

• Your value comes only from the Lord.

• Do you believe that a perfect God made a mistake when he made your body?

• Do you see yourself through the eyes of the world, or through the eyes of Jesus?

• Does restricting or binging give you a sense of control over an aspect of your life?

• What do you see when you look in the mirror: a daughter of the King, or only flaws?

• What is the root of your distorted relationship with food?

• It’s not good to do things alone. Even God Himself lives in community within the Trinity.

DO

• If seeing yourself in the mirror causes you to tear apart your imperfections, cover it up.

• Remind yourself to have the mind of Christ.

• When you think something negative about yourself, ALWAYS combat that with truths from God.

• Pray before you eat. Ask God to calm your anxieties about eating, and to give you the strength to overcome these struggles.

• Confess your struggles to someone close to you, and ask them for help. “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2). Ask this person to keep you accountable with healthy eating habits, and confess to them whenever you are struggling.

• Keep a journal of what food you eat each day for 1 week. After the week is over, go back and reflect on your journal, and ask yourself these questions

  • Are these patterns healthy and sustaining?

  • How did I physically feel on these days? How did I emotionally feel?

  • Was my eating directed by lies I’m believing, or was it directed by the desire to glorify God?

  • Am I stewarding my body well?

It might seem like things get worse before they get better, but if you’re willing to fight, I promise they WILL get better. Just keep on fighting, sister, and remember that the Lord is with you for every step.

How to Handle Different Types of Conflict?

“So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any
affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

Philippians 2:1-5

LEARN

We need you. You, with the fiery spirit and an appetite for debate. You, who loves the challenge ahead and wants the world to watch you stand your ground. You, who can so simply direct the masses with your dynamic and resounding voice.

And you, over there, sitting against the wall, quietly taking it all in. Not a word has escaped your lips as you watch the “loud and brave” girls shine. We need you too.

I have talked to so many women who at some point battle with shame, finding they fit into one of these categories and not the other. I have listened as some of the strongest women I know, women who I deeply admire, tell me they think no one likes them, because they are too direct and assertive. They fall into a trapping stigma that women are only meant to be docile. Then there are the others, myself included, who think because we don’t say our thoughts for the world to hear, that our voice will never have a place. I have watched shame cloak us like a blanket, rocking us into a sweet apathetic place of discord amongst ourselves.

My sweet sisters, we need you. End of story. There is so much we can learn about conflict from each other. Please don’t shy away from someone who handles conflict differently then you; but if they are a woman fixed on God, humble and willing to learn as they teach, then lean in. Find out what helps them through conflict. Ask them how they handle confrontation. Ask them how they could handle a confrontation better.

Jesus has so much to say about conflict and confrontation. He did not live a life free of conflict while he
was on this earth. However, he maneuvered confrontation in a way that would ultimately bring unity among people. Unity is the goal. No matter your nature, you can learn to engage in great communication and to have any confrontation be constructive.

As one of the quiet ones I have always loved having friends whose personalities may appear stronger than my own. They challenge me. They have helped me grow. I pray for a hunger and eagerness among us to learn how to communicate and have constructive confrontations with one another where the goal is to lead us into a greater unity.

KNOW

1. You are needed. Your unique identity is needed.
2. How you engage in any confrontation matters. It is a topic, though challenging, very worth the study. We can all grow in our abilities.
3. The end goal is not to be right, but to bring unity.

DO

Some great resources are:

1. “Keep Your Love On!” by Christian author Danny Silk. This is a book that I personally bought multiple copies of (super cheap on Amazon) and passed them out to a bunch of my friends and family. That’s how good it is. It is a super easy read. He also has a blog on his website, Loving On Purpose, that has some amazing articles to help you in conflict and confrontation. Well worth the quick read.

2. Lastly, if you haven’t started diving into Brene Brown’s work, I strongly recommend “Daring Greatly.” In this book she talks a lot about cultivating “shame resilience” and learning “wholeheartedness”. I believe this is something that will greatly affect the love you hold, when a confrontation comes your way.

How Do I Not Hold on to the Things of This World?

No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will be loyal to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon.

Matthew 6:24 NKJ

LEARN

Growing up I loved playing the game Monopoly. The excitement of getting all that money at once and setting my own bank up made me feel rich. The game promised fame and fortune if the dice rolled right. There was also the chance that I could end up in jail while others passed by waving, losing the possibility of purchasing property like the Boardwalk, one of my favorites. I always wanted to be the banker who was in charge of all that money. It made me feel so important but mostly secure, and in full confession, as the game went on if I saw I was getting low in money I would just quickly & quietly take money from the bank! Running low on money was such a fearful thought for me and actually continued throughout my years growing up. It is sad how money can have a hold on us like that. Jesus shares a parable in Matthew 25:14-30 where three slaves were entrusted with their owners property while he went away. He gave the first slave 5 talents, the second 2 talents and the third one talent. The slaves with 5 and 2 talents went and invested them and doubled their talents, but the slave with only one talent went and buried it out of fear of losing it. That slave would have been me!

Another story I love in the Bible that talks about money is found in Matthew 17:24-27.  “When they had come to Capernaum, those who received the temple tax came to Peter and said, “Does your Teacher not pay the temple tax?” He said, “Yes.” And when he had come into the house, Jesus anticipated him, saying, “What do you think, Simon? From whom do the kings of the earth take customs or taxes, from their sons or from strangers?” Peter said to Him, “From strangers.” Jesus said to him, “Then the sons are free. Nevertheless, lest we offend them, go to the sea, cast in a hook, and take the fish that comes up first. And when you have opened its mouth, you will find a piece of money; take that and give it to them for Me and you.” This story has many lessons but for me it reminds me of when I managed my Dad’s Land & Development Company for 10 years from the age of 20 to 30. I was fresh off the turnip truck when it came to running a business and handling his accounts. Deals were being made, property was being bought just like in monopoly. The end of each month would come around and I would have many bills to pay. More than not, the week before the end of the month I could see we didn’t have enough funds to cover all the bills. My Dad each month would tell me with such a calmness not to worry because the good Lord would cover it, and to my amazement He always did! I can picture Jesus in the same calmness telling Peter in the story above to just walk down to the water’s edge, throw a line in the water, pull the first fish out, open his mouth and get the coin out that was in there. Wow, now that really took some faith! Working for my Dad, in the beginning I would still worry about money but as the years passed I learned to have the faith my dad had and together we would take that coin out of the fishes mouth that the good Lord would send. After working for my Dad I married my husband Michael and he went a little further with my lesson on money and taught me when finances get tight the Lord knows who we are and what we need. I love how that truth sets me free!

KNOW

In the story with Jesus and Peter, Jesus could have easily just *POOF* had the money appear for Peter, but he didn't. So why didn’t Jesus just give Peter the money? Jesus anticipated Peter coming in and saw he was worried about where they were going to get the money. He was teaching Peter to trust Him through showing him that though he may not always see where it is possible for things to come together, if he has faith they always will. In Peter’s case the impossible was finding a coin in a fishes mouth. The same goes for us, when we doubt we are making a case for our limitations, but with God all things are possible. In Isaiah 33:6 we read “wisdom and knowledge will be the stability of your times, And the strength of salvation; The fear of the Lord is His treasure.” Do you hold tight to the things of this world so much where you are missing out on the blessings of trusting Jesus? Mammon is Aramaic and means the treasure a person trusts in like riches, money, possessions, or property that is opposed to God. I don’t know about you but this makes me want to examine what and who I am serving and putting my trust in!

DO

1. Count your blessing not your mammon.

2. Take time to share the Lord, your treasure, with those around you.

Is Money Really Evil?

For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs. But as for you, O man of God, flee these things. Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called and about which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses. 

1 Timothy 6:10-12

LEARN

I have to be transparent here, after all, I am a Christian so I have to be honest with you, right? This biblical concept of money has taken me some time, sisters!!

My first real wake up call with money was 30 years ago when at 29 years old the man of my dreams asked me to marry him. This was all blissfully wonderful until just a few days later he added the pretense that all my credit card debts had to be paid off before we said “I do.” Perhaps he had missed a few details about me. The mall was my close friend and Macy’s, Fashion Bug, JC Penney’s and I were closely knit from head to toe. Literally! All the way from the banana clip for my big hair down to my leg warmers, it cost money to look as good as I did! But in the name of true love, I paid off my debts so I could begin my happily ever after. Through time and maturity, I have become the bookkeeper in my marriage- I refer to myself as the CFO of the family. He brings home the bacon and I spend it and stir it up in a pan. My knowledge of dealing with finances and aiming to please my Lord and Savior has grown immensely as I confide my weaknesses and need for Him.
I honor God’s word as all knowing and I try diligently to obey His instruction and warnings about the authority and stewardship of HIS money. I have learned so much about personal finance and God’s faithfulness through the years. I only need to seek Him first and, as He has promised, all these things shall be added unto thee (Matthew 6:33).

So is money really evil? Notice that in 1 Timothy the apostle Paul refers to “the LOVE of money” as being the root of all sorts of evil. It is important for us to realize that money can be for good but we must keep God at the forefront. God says to seek Him first in Matthew 6:33. The truth of the matter is that my pocketbook tells the truth of where my heart really is. Money can easily become idolatry. Things and greed can give way to being the idols of our hearts. The Bible also tells us that we can not serve two masters. Matthew 6: 24 reminds us that we will be devoted to one and despise the other. We can not serve both God and wealth. So the question becomes, am I rich in good works? Are we using the money that God has so richly blessed us with to bless others? Can we be trusted with the money that the the Good Father has entrusted us with? The Bible says that it is God who richly supplies us with all things to enjoy. (I Timothy 6:17) 

KNOW

Whatever situation you may be in with your finances, let God teach you and allow Him to mature you. In our house, we use the expression “Fall Forward”. Meaning, if you’re going to fall, fall forward, learn from your past mistakes and don’t give up. God is good. If you ask Him, He will show you and teach you. (Psalm 32:8) Keep records, start a journal of your bills and your financial goals, write it down! Don’t let those credit cards own you! God never wanted us to be slaves to money! Galatians 5:1 teaches us that God wants us set free! He tells us to stand firm, and do not let ourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery!
Be Thankful. God will take care of everything when you learn to trust him. Trust him with your first fruits. Begin to tithe if you don’t already. See what miraculous things God will do with your 10%. Invest in God’s kingdom. After all, it all belongs to Him. 

DO

Stay positive and hopeful! There is nothing you can do that will ever make God love you less or love you more. Our God is so good. As Paul says in 1 Timothy 6:10 do not long for money. Oh sisters, long for HIM! Long for our Savior, Jesus Christ, the one who died and rose again to set us free and allow Him to demonstrate His power and His everlasting love for you.

Are Finances a Family Affair?

For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.
1 Timothy 6:10

LEARN

To my single and married ladies, let’s have some real talk about money. It wasn’t until I was married that I realized the importance of having a budget. And before being married, even though I never spent beyond my means, I was not living in light of my future hopes of saving for a home, to adopt children, or to give to others with my excess. In my single years, my extra money was for me to enjoy how I wanted. I was single and loved not having anyone look over my finances other than myself. To my single friends perhaps you are there, and to my married friends perhaps you wish you were there. I know I do sometimes. But that view of looking at money is wrong. Money is always a family affair. Whether that family be your future family or your present family.

A budget is restrictive, but purposeful. I have grown so much in terms of being conscious with my mindset now that someone else also sees my spending and we together have goals for where we are trying to go. However, I am learning now as a wife all that I could have been doing as a single woman to be more intentional with my future goals. I now see that where my money went was sadly where the posture of my heart was at the time. My heart was selfish. Even in the times when I had very little money, it was not the amount of money that mattered, but the posture of my heart- A heart unto God that I was and still am called to devote to him. I used money to satisfy the void of being single, instead of using my money to prepare for what God was setting before me. Instead of using my money to glorify God and prepare for my future I used it for myself, and still struggle with that temptation. So how can we as women be more intentional with our money no matter what stage of life we are in? 

KNOW

1. UNDERSTAND WHOSE MONEY IT IS
   Growing up when my sister and I would fight over clothes my mom would always say “girls, whose clothes are those?”  And she would always tell us “you do not own your clothes, your clothes belong to God so be kind and generous and let your sister borrow your clothes.” You can imagine how well that went over in our teen years. But isn’t that still true today? Only as adults it just isn’t about sharing clothes anymore. Don’t we forget so easily that our money is not our own, it is God’s. God created us, gave us our giftings that enable us to make money, and God allows us to have the money we do because he governs all. So what are you doing with His money? 

2. HAVE A PLAN
   This is key! We all need to have a plan for what we are to use our money for in order to pay bills and not rack up debt unnecessarily. Then if God gives you excess we also need have a plan for the excess. God has a plan for our lives, and so by his example we also need to have a plan because without one we live unintentional days. It is not that we have to always stick to our plan because the Lord directs our steps, but we are to have purpose to our direction and our spending is not excluded. What plan do you have for the money God allowed you to earn? Are you stewarding that money well? 

3. CONFRONT YOUR SIN
   Money is the root of evil. It is no wonder so much of ur sin comes out in the way we spend. If we are bored, we spend. If we are unsatisfied, we spend. If we are insecure, we spend. If we are happy, we spend. Don’t get me wrong, we all have to pay for things, but recognize what you are paying for and why. Are you trying to fill a void? Are you uncontrolled? Christ is the only one who brings us ultimate fulfillment and he is the only one who can control our desire to sin. Pray to him that he would fill you and help you. 

DO

So what now? What can you do today to glorify God with your money? Pray over your finances. Or first you may need to pray over the posture of your heart. Do you desire to glorify God with your finances? Do you desire to be intentional with your day? Check in with yourself and ask God to reveal Himself to you and where your heart is in all of this!

How Do I Find Comfort When I am Hurting?

Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.

Romans 12:1-2

LEARN

Although we may never see ourselves fully healed from all our problems, because we live in a broken world, there are wonderful strategies and practical things we can be doing every day to renew our mind in a manner that is pleasing to the Lord. The next time you are in a funk, you start spiraling, or you are desiring to be more hopeful in the midst of your circumstances try checking in with yourself by remembering the acronym PEACE.

-Pause. Eat. Acknowledge. Commune. Equip.-

1. PAUSE

   Before you allow your mind to drift too far into negative thoughts, take control of your reactions. Pause. Take a deep breath and lean away from catastrophizing and lean into truth. “The peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7

2. EAT

   This one is self-explanatory yet often overlooked. Many times when our minds begin to spin, it is because we haven’t checked in with our bodies. Have you had water today? When was the last time you ate? What kinds of food have you been eating? Our physical health can wreak havoc on our minds, so before you allow your emotions to take over, be aware of what your body may be telling you. “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.” 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

3. ACKNOWLEDGE

   After you have regrouped a bit, taken a pause, and nourished your body, then you can regroup and come back to your emotions from a more level place. As you begin acknowledging your feelings, be aware of your tendency to spiral and try to reflectively and evenly process where you are. Journaling can often be helpful because it causes you to slow down enough to process your thoughts and write down more concretely where you are at. “For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace.” Romans 8:6

4. COMMUNE

   Once you have been able to identify or acknowledge where you are, don’t leave those burdens to your own devices, bring them to God. God is an active God, desiring to commune with us, help us, and guide us through the work of the Holy Spirit. You are not alone in your sufferings. God not only brings you Himself, but His church are His hands and feet and your Christian community is ready to support you. Often times we think placing all of our burdens on God means we can just drop all of our stuff and wait for Him to do something about it all. This is partially true, as God works in our lives and is in control, however we are called to be active participants in bringing Him glory through prayer, petition, repentance, and proclamation. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” Philippians 4:6

5. EQUIP

   There may be many things you do not have any control over in your situation, but there are always things you can be doing that strengthen you and are God glorifying. How can you equip yourself in the midst of your sin and brokenness to still choose joy. What decisions can you make right now to improve your current circumstances? How are you equipping yourself to grow more into Christ’s likeness? “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm. Stand firm therefore, HAVING GIRDED YOUR LOINS WITH TRUTH, and HAVING PUT ON THE BREASTPLATE OF RIGHTEOUSNESS, and having shod YOUR FEET WITH THE PREPARATION OF THE GOSPEL OF PEACE; in addition to all, taking up THE SHIELD OF FAITH with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. And take THE HELMET OF SALVATION, and THE SWORD OF THE SPIRIT, which is the word of God. With all prayer and petition pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view, be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints.” Ephesians 6:12-18

Is Our Health a Matter of the Mind?

Casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ,

-2 Corinthians 10:5  NKJ

LEARN

Mental Health is such a vast subject and is hard to write in a short blog all the areas it covers. I had to begin by just looking up facts and studies that have been done on the brain and found our brain to be so fascinating! Google search shares this about our brains...

“Your brain has all the power connections, wiring, storage, memory and processing power you need to function as a human being. If your brain is the hardware, then your mind is the software. It's the operating system that gathers, stores and manages information, using the massive processing resources of your brain. The unconscious constantly communicates with the conscious mind via our subconscious, and is what provides us with the meaning to all our interactions with the world, as filtered through your beliefs and habits. It communicates through feelings, emotions, imagination, sensations, and dreams. Traditionally, scientists have tried to define the mind as the product of brain activity: The brain is the physical substance, and the mind is the conscious product of those firing neurons, according to the classic argument. But growing evidence shows that the mind goes far beyond the physical workings of your brain.”

Dr. Caroline Leaf, a cognitive neuroscientist, also has research about mental health showing that “75% to 95% of the illnesses that plague us today are a direct result of our thought life. What we think about affects us physically and emotionally. It's an epidemic of toxic emotions. The average person has over 30,000 thoughts a day. Through an uncontrolled thought life, we create the conditions for illness; we make ourselves sick! Research shows that fear, all on its own, triggers more than 1,400 known physical and chemical responses and activates more than 30 different hormones. There are INTELLECTUAL and MEDICAL reasons to FORGIVE! Toxic waste generated by toxic thoughts causes the following illnesses: diabetes, cancer, asthma, skin problems and allergies to name just a few.”

The Bible teaches in Proverbs 23:7 ...“As someone thinks within himself, so he is.” I don’t know about you but I think I need to do some housekeeping up stairs! So, how do we cast down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, and bring every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ?

KNOW

God wants us to be transformed to be like his Son Jesus.  Jesus’s mind was totally focused on the will of His Father.  It all begins with our thoughts. What we allow into our minds determines the reality we live in. We are created in the image of God, full of love and grace. Through Jesus we have the power to change our focus from ourselves onto the Father’s will. Our Father in Heaven tells us to “be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10. Prayer and meditation on God’s word is key so He can transform our mind. This requires stillness and practice. We all know what we practice we get good at!

Do you daily take time to be still before God so you may know Him more or is your day and mind filled with worldly busyness? “When you think, you build thoughts, and these become physical substances in your brain.”  Dr Leaf

What do you allow your mind to be consumed with? Paul shares “Whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things. Philippians 4:8

DO

Take an inventory of your daily thoughts using a journal.  Next to each thought listed - mark if this focuses on your will or God’s will by using YW for your will and GW for God’s will.

As you begin to be still and practice Phillipians 4:8 above, you will see more GW’s than YW’s and experience God transform your mind into a much more joy-filled spiritual life, walking in unison with our beautiful Lord!

How Can I be Fully Known and Fully Loved?

In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
Romans 8:37

LEARN

Oh sweet sisters!

The capture of our topic this month has been a little challenging for me. I have mulled over what I could say to you to lift your burdens even a little. I ache to have my words comfort you, like a welcomed (and often much more needed than we admit) embrace. As I started my writing process, I asked myself, if I had met any woman, who in her lifetime, had not experienced, anxiety, depression, trauma, or hasn’t struggled her way through coping methods. Thinking of the women I have mentored and the stories of those who have mentored me, my heart could only repeat, “we are not alone in this.” If I share anything with you, I feel that it must be this. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

You. Are. NOT. Alone.

You are seen.

You are known.

You are loved.

The experiences making up your story are unique, intense, and they matter. You matter. This topic is big. I hope this month you are able to takeaway some pieces that are applicable to you. I pray you don’t step away from our time here feeling unseen or unheard. Desiring to meet each of you where you were at and not only speak to certain experiences, I decided to share with you a little of what I have done in my own journey that has helped me through.

KNOW

• The world labels everything. It’s an attempt to grasp even a fractioned control over the things, in this world, which are simply uncontrollable. We, however, are not defined by the things that have happened to us. Yes, they shape us, but ultimately we are defined and identified by the love of Christ. I grew up believing in Jesus, however, after my own traumas and anxieties I wanted to know if He could actually help me. I began to study who Jesus is and what He has done for me. I also started to study, who He says I am. Here are a couple examples.
  We are the daughters of God, adopted, given a home, and heirs with Christ. Romans 8:14-17, Galatians 4:6-7

  We are conquerors, overcomers, survivors. We are victorious because of Christ. Romans 8:37, 1 Cor. 3: 7-12,

• I spent much of my life struggling to understand why we even pray, if God knows everything. If He sees it all why do I have to tell him how I feel? David is one of the best examples of vulnerability with God. He empties his heart of the sorrow, anger, and confusion he feels surrounded by. Once he has said it all, he is able to remind himself of who God is (Psalm 88 & 89 are a great example). Practicing this in my own life has incredibly deepened my relationship with Jesus and is something I am SO grateful for!

• I have found a deep-rooted love for the Word of God these past couple years. I try to meditate on it (renew my mind- Romans 12:2) daily. There are lots of different ways! I listen to worship music or a podcast. Daily devotionals are awesome quick tidbits of truth that help you to put the focus back on Jesus. Sometimes I pick a book of the Bible to work my way through (can I get a holla for dat Romans!) verse by verse, or chapter by chapter. I ask the Holy Spirit to stir a hunger in my spirit for God’s truth.

• I surround myself with mentors who know Jesus. If I don’t have one in my life, I make it a main focus to get one. “HOW?!?” I used to ask this too! I pray for one, and simultaneously get vulnerable and straight up ask the people around me that I admire, to coffee or lunch. If they are women with kids, I make it available to meet at a park, so the kids can play while we talk, or even just offer to meet at their house. I try to make it more convenient for them, because we are all busy, but if they are put in my life by God, I know I need what they have. (P.S. Good news, you are on the Women Becoming Whole website and there are resources here for you! Christian counseling is another great mentorship!)

DO

No matter where you are in your journey through anxiety, trauma, or both, the best coping strategies I know are the ones I mentioned above. Sometimes our current situation and coping methods seem like they have so much control over us that beginning the journey to health, or continuing on, feels like too much to handle. So, if this is the case, pick a single one to start. Start small, focus your energy, and watch as Jesus’ grace restores. He is not expecting us to fix ourselves before we come to Him. Rather, He invites us into the journey with Him. We are not alone.

Can You Have Contentment In Whatever Season You are in?

Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

Philippians 4:11-13

LEARN

Why do so many of us women struggle to be content with where God has us? We have a propensity towards dissatisfaction, complaining and jealousy. We don’t need to be taught how to complain but we must learn, through discipline, how to be content. Our discontentment usually stems from two main areas of sin: not believing and resting in God’s sovereignty and looking for ultimate satisfaction in things of this world. The Apostle Paul says, “I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.” He was a prisoner, old and near the end of his life, and it was in these circumstances that he was able to rest in the secret of learned contentment that could only be achieved by an utmost dependance and trust in Christ.

Through the course of our lives, it is easy to dwell upon places of emptiness, on what is missing for us. For many of us, our experiences are broken and tainted by sin- the absent earthly father, the frustrated relationship with mother, the lackluster job, the unrealized dream, the perpetual illness, the barren womb, or the empty space in our bed. Because of our unmet expectations or the sufferings that we are going through, we want and want and want- and the things we desire seem out of our grasp. Then when we do obtain those wishes, we are on to wanting the next thing that we don’t have. Often times, we are too bitter, self-centered and “wanting” to recognize the merciful blessings that God lavishly bestows on us. Instead of having thankful hearts, we have complaining ones.

I have gone through this cycle of discontentment and wanting so many times in my life. For far longer than I had hoped, I was in a season of singleness. Relationship after relationship would fail and I would continue to dream and long for a husband (unsatisfied). When I was 28 years old, I married my husband Jacob. Five months into marriage, I got pregnant and then miscarried our baby. The loss was devastating and my already present desire for a baby grew so intense that I couldn’t even go on social media because of the pain in seeing pregnant mothers or new babies (unsatisfied). Six months later, I found out I was pregnant with my first born son, Caleb. A few months into his life when the nights were long and the days were lonely, I longed for the freedom and sleep that I used to have (unsatisfied). Do you see a pattern here? Even after God so graciously blessed me with such good gifts that I had wanted for so long, I still found places in my life where I was dissatisfied, where I wanted more. In realizing my cycle of discontentment, God began using his word to convict me of sin and reshape my thoughts.

First, I was not trusting in God’s sovereignty and goodness. I was not confident in him being in control instead of myself. A piece of me believed that God messed up with something. (That’s impossible for him to do, by the way). I had to learn to trust him by learning about him, taking him at his word, and relying on his ability to take care of me. If we are to learn to be more content, we have to learn to trust him more. The full measure of our time on earth, every single season that we enter into has been completely planned and orchestrated by an all-sovereign, all -knowing, and all-powerful God. He has planned every day of our lives before there was even one (Psalm 139:16). He knows our sin, our longings and our pain- even these were planned before the foundations of the world. And if we are in Christ, he is perfectly weaving every one of those details for our good and his glory- two things he will never falter in or compromise (Romans 8:28). If not for his relentless grace- we stand before him condemned, filthy and deserving of his wrath. But God, being rich in mercy stepped in to justify his children through the atoning work of his son, Jesus. He made us right with himself so that we could not only one day be with him forever, but so that we could grow each day in love and enjoyment of him. As we remember this, fixing our eyes on Christ and what He has so faithfully done for us, we rely on His power, not our own. This is how Paul faced all situations with contentment and how we can too.

Second, I was not finding my satisfaction in Him. I was looking elsewhere for true and full joy, thinking that the things of this world would ultimately satisfy me. Psalm 107:9 says that God “satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul He fills with good things.” In John 6:35 Jesus says, “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst.” If we are God’s chosen ones, Jesus Christ is that “good thing” that the Lord promises to fill us with. We don’t have to run from one dream to the next with hopes of being filled. We have all of our fulfillment, our sustenance, our pleasure in Christ. Psalm 16:11 says, “In your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” So how can we learn contentment with this truth in mind? We have to learn to be satisfied in him. We have to trust that He is good enough. And in believing that to be true, we need the self-control and discipline to live in light of that. What does that look like for you? Less Netflix? Talking with your friends about Christ instead of crushes? Being honest about our sin, confessing it and repenting? Reading more scripture instead of sleeping in? Clinging to him in constant prayer? Singing more songs of praise?

Philippians 4:19 And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.

KNOW

1. How are you not content in the current season that you are in?

2. What circumstances has God placed you in to teach you to depend on him and trust him more?

3. How has God been faithful in your life, even in the midst of suffering or hardship?

DO

Make a Gospel List: Make a list of what Jesus has done for you. What did he do? What are the implications of this? How is your life changed through what he has done? This shouldn’t be a short list! Sing a song of praise and thanksgiving.

What is our True Identity?

Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

Romans 8:17

LEARN

Your identity is not what you do, but who you are. This is a statement I have come to realize not many people live by. Society focuses on what you do as far as career and profession as the standard of identity. Think about one of the first questions asked when you meet someone new. “What do you do?” From this point on in the conversation this defines who you are to the person you are talking to and vice versa.

I have seen this happen time and time again and I’ve tried to defer the question or avoid it, but it seems to pop up in every conversation I have. Even with friends I haven’t seen in awhile. In our society, what you do defines who you are. But this, my friends, is not your identity. You should not use what you do as a label for who you are. If you are a blogger, entrepreneur, therapist, doctor, athlete; this is what you do, but it shouldn’t define who you are.

As a child and into my college years, I thought my identity was being an athlete. I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t playing a sport or participating in some form of physical activity. I enjoyed it and it brought me life, it still does, but I allowed it to take over my life and become who I was. In high school, I was voted “Most Athletic” by my senior class.

One day everything changed. I was in a snowboarding accident. I fractured my right humerus (upper arm bone and no it was not funny). I had to be in a cast with a sling for three and a half months unable to do simple things like get dressed or shower normally. I didn’t know if I would ever play sports again. I stood on the sidelines as my college volleyball team continued the season without me. I was devastated and depressed. The person I had thought I was was stripped away from me in an instant.

Through this period of my life, I realized I had labeled myself as an athlete. This was my identity. With the support of friends and family, lots of praying, some journaling (it was hard to write because I broke my dominant arm), physical therapy visits, and the grace and love of Jesus, I was able to redefine my identity in Christ and heal from the inside out.

I am a daughter of the King. I am loved by the Creator of all things in heaven and on earth. I am a co-heir with Christ. God thinks I am beautiful. He views me as special and unique. God made me in His image. He gave me the gifts and talents I have that are specific to me to use for His glory.

Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

Romans 8:17

KNOW

Who do you say you are?

Do you believe in the ways God sees you and has created you to be?

Are you living out of fear of what others think of you and what society says your identity is, or are you stepping into your true identity and focusing more on who you are rather than what you do?

This can be hard. I get it. I struggle with this. But we need to remind ourselves who God says we are. I challenge you to look through the Bible and write down who God says you are. Ask God how he sees you and write it down. The act of writing something with a pen on paper is powerful and studies have shown there is a chemical response in our brains when we do this. Try it and see what happens.

DO

Helping people realize their authentic selves and stepping into their true identity has become a passion of mine. I want to shine light on the whole person focusing on their mind, body, and spirit, because you can’t have one without the others. Becoming aware of your whole self is how you discover your true identity. This is why I have started a podcast called “True Identity” which was released this week! We will be discussing topics regarding your health, wellness, business tips, routine, and spiritual growth to name a few. If this sounds interesting to you, check it out. Available on iTunes. If you want to hear more of my story, I share on my website nikkiromani.com.

I’m praying you will step into this journey of discovering your true identity. Remember, your identity is not what you do, but who you are. You are a child of God.   

How To Get out of a Funk When You are Sick and Tired?

“Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

Isaiah 40:28-31

LEARN

Recently I have been sick and tired. No, not the sick and tired of life and its difficulties, although I admit I always struggle with that, but literally and physically sick and tired. Since the start of the year I have being dealing with a wide range of on and off ailments that keep getting worse, and the confusion keeps getting greater. I share this story because I know I am not the only one struggling in some way and feeling confused, overwhelmed, and frankly tired of pain and suffering. Seasons of sickness are not comfortable, and restlessness tends to creep in when we feel trapped due to our limitations. I personally don’t do well with slowing down and resting when my body is telling me to, and perhaps you can relate?

As I have forced myself to slow down and reflect for a moment on something other than my suffering, I’ve realized all I have been wanting during this season is to figure out what is wrong so I can make it right. It is as if I see this time in my life as a hiccup, and until it can be fixed, my life won’t be as complete as it could be. I’ve been praying that God will heal me and give me information as to what is going on, but I also have been worrying and pitying myself. Why God do I have to go through this? What if a diagnosis never comes, and it is not in your plan for me to be healed? What then? It is in these moments I feel the race is far too difficult and the journey is far too long and I don’t like the path I see set before me.

Does this sound like your story? Are you also struggling to trust God and perhaps feeling sorry for yourself?

The best thing to do when we are here is to realize that God is not void and we are not God. Even when suffering and love seem contradictory to us, God is greater than our ability to comprehend the why’s of life. So for a moment, let’s pause the research, put our stress to the side, and remember Christ. His words of life are present, right now, waiting for us to read. He is in control, He is suffering with us, and He loves us. Instead of focusing so much on WHY we are suffering and how to fix it, we can be using this time instead to trust God and ask Him WHAT NOW should we be doing in the midst of our suffering?

What now are you teaching me, Lord?

What now can I do to find rest in you?

What now do you want me to do in the midst of my pain?

What now allows us to seek His guidance and not our own. It redirects our focus from one of entitlement to one of dependence on Him and it gives us joy because no matter where we are in life our purpose will always be the same- to love God and others and magnify His glory. God is ready for us to come to Him to find rest in our restlessness, stop asking why, and start asking him WHAT NOW?

KNOW

1. What are the WHY’s you have been dealing with? Write them on a piece of paper, and then pray for forgiveness and a greater ability to trust God with your WHY’s as you reread Isaiah 40:28-31.

2. Write down the WHAT NOW questions you want to work on asking God when you are going through times of doubt, pain and suffering.

DO

Suffering is draining on our body, mind and spirit. During this season especially, notice the times you may need to rest more than normal and adjust your routine as you see fit.

Turn to God.
Don’t push yourself.
Get good sleep, if you can.
Tell people no.
Eat whole and balanced meals.
Allow others to help you.
Pray.

These are all things we know, yet usually they are the things we fight the most when we are in denial about our limitations.

,

What Makes up our Inner and Outer Self?

For I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man, but I see a different law in the members of my body. 

Romans 7:22-23

LEARN

Don't you hate it when you bite your lip and then it happens over and over again? It is the worst! Yesterday I had that dreadful experience at least three times. I continued to cause my own pain because my immediate desire to devour my food took over any caution I had for what was going on in my mouth. I always get so mad with those types of pain encounters because I essentially inflict the pain on myself. When I am not being intentional in my mind with what is going on in my body I allow my flesh to overrun my soul. 

This happens often though doesn't it? Not just with biting our lips but with our mind not informing our actions. This phenomenon of how God created us is what the bible talks about as the inner- self and the outer-self. The outer self is what makes up our physical body and the inner self is made up of our soul. Our bodies love taking over to indulge in whatever they want when we aren't being conscious about what is best for us. The danger in that though is our bodies are at war with our spirit, so our mind always needs to be on guard with what our body is up to because as Christians this can lead us to sin. It is as if our bodies are toddlers, always getting into mischief, and our minds are the parents trying to correct the behavior. I don't know about you, but knowing my depravity it is exhausting having to constantly look after my toddler self to make sure I am not up to more mischief, and frankly I check out often. I go on a coffee break and let whatever havoc takes place happen to me and I choose to deal with the mess later. I simply allow my body to take over.

But God calls us to more.

He calls us to be constantly at war with our bodies, and he gives us the help we need to overcome our flesh. It is through the work of the Holy Spirit that our soul can have the strength each day to stay focused on glorifying him in our thoughts and actions because in our soul he graciously gives us himself. Each day we get to commune with God and be filled up to have the strength to not just check out in life when it gets hard. The Spirit at work in us can make our days that started with pain, end with promise. The promise that each moment God gives us on earth is a gift to be stewarded with intention and hope through Christ. 

KNOW

DO

As you go about your day at work or wherever you are, notice the times where you are wanting to check out, then ask yourself...

1. What causes my body to rule my mind? Is it laziness, exhaustion, carelessness? 

3. What can I do today to be more filled with the Spirit and go to battle with my flesh? 

Can Self-Love be Biblical?

Check out our first Vlog where we tackle the tough topic of self-love/self-care and how to biblically care for our bodies. 

"For physical training is of some value, but spiritual training is a value for all things."
1 Timothy 4:8