Do I have to be a Gentle and Quiet Woman?

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment [...] Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit.
(1 Peter 3:3-4)

LEARN

Before we dive in, let’s do an exercise. Close your eyes, and think of a lake. The lake is clear and glassy - there’s no strong wind or waves - it’s peaceful. Breathe in, breathe out. Allow yourself to experience the lake. Now, let’s get started.

I’m sure we’ve all heard of that passage in 1 Peter - the “gentle and quiet” one. It seems like this is one of those passages that can be easily misunderstood, and I think it’s important that we don’t let a broken view of Scripture skew our view of who God is. This is such a beautiful calling from the Lord for us as women. In this, we know that our beauty isn’t tied to anything but our spirit in the Lord. But what if “gentle and quiet” aren’t the first words that come up when describing your personality?

As Christian women, we desire to be closer to God, to follow his design for us, but sometimes it seems like His design just wasn’t made for our personalities. What about those women who are extroverted, life of the party, outspoken, and opinionated? Does the Bible mean that women should reject who they are, and to be silent, then? Does it mean that we can’t also be warriors? I don’t think that’s what the Bible calls us to at all. God made each of us as unique individuals. He made us into introverts and extroverts, fighters and lovers, quiet and loud. God made you an extrovert - why would He do that if He didn’t want you to be that way? If you’re not someone who easily fits into the box of “quiet”, don’t lose hope. You can still be beautiful in the Lord while being exactly who God created you to be.

So first, what does it mean to be gentle? It’s no mystery that we, as Christians, are called to be like Jesus. Jesus was the picture of perfection, and Scripture shows us that He taught with incredible gentleness. The way that we, as Christian women, can be gentle is to follow in the footsteps of Jesus - loving in our teaching and interactions, but firm in the truth. Jesus never sugar-coated His words to people - in fact, at one point, he advised sinners to actually cut off parts of their body if those parts caused them to sin; “And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell” (Matthew 5:30). To be clear, Jesus doesn’t want us all to start amputating our limbs - bodies are truly gifts from God - he’s telling us that we should be willing to discard what we value most in order to gain godliness. This may seem incredibly direct, but Jesus is telling people this out of love, and gently reminding them that, as unimaginable as a life without a part of your body may seem, the consequences of sinning against God are terrible in comparison. We are called to tell the truth of the gospel, to help our brothers and sisters bear their burdens, to call each other out in love, and sometimes those things are hard. What we have to remember is that we must do these things to bring each other closer to God and away from sin - and that is both loving and gentle.

Now that we’ve discussed gentleness, let’s move on to quiet. Quiet has many different definitions. The definition we usually think of first is being nearly silent. However, I believe God gave us voices and opinions because He wanted us to use them. Another definition of quiet, which I believe Peter was trying to portray, is: the absence of noise or bustle; calm. So then what does this mean for us? Here’s another question: remember that lake from before? After all the busyness and the buzz of the day, after all the swimmers and the boats have gone home, the lake is calm. It doesn’t have any big waves or ripples in its waters. The lake is undisturbed, peaceful. Quiet. This is a picture of what our souls should be. When we’re rushing around, getting frazzled or frustrated, our lake is being torn up by waves - and nobody wants to be out on a boat in rough water. The way that we, as women who are loud, can be gentle and quiet, is to be willing to love and guide each other on our paths to the Lord, while maintaining our calm and quiet waters.

KNOW

• There’s nothing wrong with your extroverted personality.

• Being silent in the literal sense is not helpful to those around you. 

• You have a voice so that you can speak into other people’s lives.

• Some people may be quiet in their voice or their words, and some may be quiet in their souls - both are beautiful.

• Women may be called to submit to their husbands (key word being husbands, not men in general), but they’re also called to lead by example in their faith (1 Peter 3:1-2).

DO

• When you find yourself getting anxious, stressed out, frustrated, frazzled, or any variation, come back to the lake. Ask yourself these questions:

  • What does your lake look like right now?

  • How does that affect the people around you? Do they see you as a safe and peaceful place, or as a stormy force of nature?

• Pray that the Lord will give you a soul that cannot be shaken so easily by the world, and one that can remain calm even when faced with less than ideal conditions.

• Read 1 Peter 3 and reflect on what it really calls us, as women, to do. Apply this to the overarching truth about God’s mission for His people.

What Does it Mean to be a Woman of God?

Because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts crying, “Abba! Father!” so you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God.

Galatians 4:5-7

LEARN

Here we find ourselves again, back into the pages of the Word, searching out identities. What does it mean to be a woman of God? Does it change when you go from single to married, or have a child? Or does our identity in Christ go deeper than fathomable, trickling its way into every other aspect of our lives, no matter the stage? I believe, the core of your identity lies deeper than woman, sister, mother, single, or married. Sweet Sister, you are daughter.

Galatians 4:5-7 and so many more New Testament scriptures, talk about our identity as the children of God. I love this passage in Galatians though, because it shows us the beginning glimpse of what it means to be daughter. I almost inserted [daughter] everywhere it said “son” to drive a deeper meaning, but think about this. The people Paul was talking to still lived in a patriarchal system of inheritance. The eldest son would receive the greatest portion of the father’s land, money, livestock, etc. When this verse talks about our adoption as sons, it is talking about us becoming the heir (by rights of adoption) of everything that God has to give. EVERYTHING! The coolest part is we get to tap into that right now! We are not waiting on certain stipulations, to be able to tap into our trust fund. We have our inheritance at our finger tips.

Now hand in hand with our daughterhood, is a deeper understanding of Fatherhood. They come together. I don’t believe you can really dive into learning one, without receiving new revelation on the other. To the extent that you believe God is a good and loving father, is the extent you will believe his goodness and his adoption of you as his daughter. Our Father is good. God is good. He WANTS to bless you with the best He has. When He has an Arabian race horse, He isn’t going to just hand you a Lisa Frank color by number from the 90’s. I think where we get confused on his goodness, is that he might start you out with riding lessons, on the 15 year-old, super gentle horse (before the race horse is even born) then give you racing lessons (while he trains the race horse), then when it’s time here comes the beautiful race horse (at the time when you know how to race, and the horse has been trained). This is a big picture in a small space, so here’s what I want you to know.

KNOW

1. You were chosen before the foundation of the world. You were predestined to be a daughter of

God (Ephesians 1:5). In other words, God very much thinks you matter.

2. Once you accept Jesus into your heart and receive Salvation, God becomes your adoptive father.

3. God is a good God.

4. God is the best father.

5. God WANTS to bless you with the best things.

6. You are a daughter of the most high God. He is ruler of the kingdom of heaven. You have access

to what he has in heaven (think the Lord’s prayer- on earth as it is in heaven).

7. No matter what stage of life you are in, meditate on this, and watch it change your perspective

for the best.

DO

Here are some more of the verses that talk about our sonship:

John 1:12, Romans 8:14-19, Romans 9:8, Galatians 3:26, Ephesians 1:5, Ephesians 2:9, Ephesians 3:6,

1 John 3:1, 1 John 3:2

Psalms 27:10

The list goes on and on, but I hope this stirs up a hunger for you to seek out God as our father, and what

it means to be his daughter.

Much love,

Anna

What is our True Identity?

Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

Romans 8:17

LEARN

Your identity is not what you do, but who you are. This is a statement I have come to realize not many people live by. Society focuses on what you do as far as career and profession as the standard of identity. Think about one of the first questions asked when you meet someone new. “What do you do?” From this point on in the conversation this defines who you are to the person you are talking to and vice versa.

I have seen this happen time and time again and I’ve tried to defer the question or avoid it, but it seems to pop up in every conversation I have. Even with friends I haven’t seen in awhile. In our society, what you do defines who you are. But this, my friends, is not your identity. You should not use what you do as a label for who you are. If you are a blogger, entrepreneur, therapist, doctor, athlete; this is what you do, but it shouldn’t define who you are.

As a child and into my college years, I thought my identity was being an athlete. I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t playing a sport or participating in some form of physical activity. I enjoyed it and it brought me life, it still does, but I allowed it to take over my life and become who I was. In high school, I was voted “Most Athletic” by my senior class.

One day everything changed. I was in a snowboarding accident. I fractured my right humerus (upper arm bone and no it was not funny). I had to be in a cast with a sling for three and a half months unable to do simple things like get dressed or shower normally. I didn’t know if I would ever play sports again. I stood on the sidelines as my college volleyball team continued the season without me. I was devastated and depressed. The person I had thought I was was stripped away from me in an instant.

Through this period of my life, I realized I had labeled myself as an athlete. This was my identity. With the support of friends and family, lots of praying, some journaling (it was hard to write because I broke my dominant arm), physical therapy visits, and the grace and love of Jesus, I was able to redefine my identity in Christ and heal from the inside out.

I am a daughter of the King. I am loved by the Creator of all things in heaven and on earth. I am a co-heir with Christ. God thinks I am beautiful. He views me as special and unique. God made me in His image. He gave me the gifts and talents I have that are specific to me to use for His glory.

Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

Romans 8:17

KNOW

Who do you say you are?

Do you believe in the ways God sees you and has created you to be?

Are you living out of fear of what others think of you and what society says your identity is, or are you stepping into your true identity and focusing more on who you are rather than what you do?

This can be hard. I get it. I struggle with this. But we need to remind ourselves who God says we are. I challenge you to look through the Bible and write down who God says you are. Ask God how he sees you and write it down. The act of writing something with a pen on paper is powerful and studies have shown there is a chemical response in our brains when we do this. Try it and see what happens.

DO

Helping people realize their authentic selves and stepping into their true identity has become a passion of mine. I want to shine light on the whole person focusing on their mind, body, and spirit, because you can’t have one without the others. Becoming aware of your whole self is how you discover your true identity. This is why I have started a podcast called “True Identity” which was released this week! We will be discussing topics regarding your health, wellness, business tips, routine, and spiritual growth to name a few. If this sounds interesting to you, check it out. Available on iTunes. If you want to hear more of my story, I share on my website nikkiromani.com.

I’m praying you will step into this journey of discovering your true identity. Remember, your identity is not what you do, but who you are. You are a child of God.   

Who Do You Say That I Am?

“He said to them, “But who do you say that I am?” Simon Peter replied, “you are the Christ, the Son of the living God.” and Jesus answered him, “Blessed are you, Simon Bar-Jonah! For flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my Father who is in heaven.

Matthew 16:15-18

LEARN

Hey Ladies!

Anna here, and good golly, am I excited about something. Preparing to write this post led me into my bible and listening through so many podcasts. I am stirred up! Before I get into it, I want to ask you a couple questions. Who are you? Like broad spectrum, who are you? What are some things that make you who you are? What defines you? What gives you a semblance of identity? Or to put it another way, what or who, is your identity in? For example, are you the nerdy one, the athletic one, the artsy one, the stylish one? Is your identity wrapped up in that thing? If for some reason it was taken away from you, would you still have direction in life?

A couple years ago I bought a 1999 Land Rover Discovery II. It was big and blue, and looked like you could take it out on a safari, amongst the wild creatures, and explore to your hearts content. It was the first car I owned that could really take me up into the mountains and I didn’t have to worry about getting stuck. It was powerful and rugged. This car made me feel free, like the wilderness was mine to explore and no one could stop me. I recently had to sell this big, blue beauty, because it was just old, and it was becoming less likely that I would make it back home from any exploration. I am almost embarrassed to say selling that car nearly broke me. After all, it was just a car. However, this is when I realized how much of my identity was wrapped up in having some type of adventure mobile. Even worse how much of my identity was wrapped up in that specific car. I had to go back to the true source of our identity and ask Jesus, “who do you say that I am?” I felt like He responded first with “well, who do you say I AM?” Woah! So, my bigger question became Who. IS. Jesus. What do I actually believe about Him? Is my thought pattern correct?

This began a process of really renewing my mind, and making sure I was believing rightly about God. I started this by listening to pastors who taught the Word of God, then I really began reading the Bible (it is important to find out for yourself what the Word says). It turns out the more I have dug into reading my Bible and the more time I spend listening to teachers of the Word, the more my original question, “who do you say that I am” has been answered. This is because the more we know about who Jesus is, the more we will find out what He says about us, and why He made us the beautiful way He did.

Who does Jesus say YOU are?

KNOW

1. YOU ARE CREATED IN GOD’S IMAGE - There is nothing wrong with being sporty, or girly, or smart, or creative, or talented in any area. Also know, it is very okay to be more than one thing. God made you with a mind, heart and soul, and you are capable of being a great many things through Him. I am totally the sporty one amongst friends, but I so love getting dressed up for a dinner now and again, and I really love challenging my mind and learning new things.

2. YOU ARE LOVED BY GOD - At the center of who God is, love abides. It spreads forth from there. Romans 8:38-39 says, “For I am sure (some translations say “convinced”- like the whole world couldn’t change your mind) neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor ANYTHING (emphasis added) else in all of creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. At the beginning and the end of every day, you are still loved by God. Not because of anything more than Jesus’ gift to us on the cross and the very nature of God.

3. YOU ARE MADE WHOLE THROUGH CHRIST - God is the master of renewing and repurposing our identity. Do not be afraid or ashamed to come to Him, and ask what He thinks of you. Know that when God looks at you, He sees the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross for you. Jesus’ death and resurrection have made you new and now you get to walk out becoming whole, with Him by your side.

4. YOU HAVE THE HOLY SPIRIT IN YOU - The Holy Spirit is a wonderful teacher. He will teach you and help you in the process of learning, just like He did for Peter in our first verse.

DO

1. It’s a bold prayer, but ask Jesus to fill you with a hunger to find out more about Him.

2. Write down three things you believe about God and ask Him to show you what the truth is about

each thing.

3. Write down three things you believe about yourself, and same, same, ask God to tell you what He thinks about you in these areas.

Here are a couple awesome resources I have loved in my journey to find my identity in Christ.

1. “Captivating” by Jon and Stasi Eldridge
2. “The Power of Right Believing” by Pastor Joseph Prince