“So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any
affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

Philippians 2:1-5

LEARN

We need you. You, with the fiery spirit and an appetite for debate. You, who loves the challenge ahead and wants the world to watch you stand your ground. You, who can so simply direct the masses with your dynamic and resounding voice.

And you, over there, sitting against the wall, quietly taking it all in. Not a word has escaped your lips as you watch the “loud and brave” girls shine. We need you too.

I have talked to so many women who at some point battle with shame, finding they fit into one of these categories and not the other. I have listened as some of the strongest women I know, women who I deeply admire, tell me they think no one likes them, because they are too direct and assertive. They fall into a trapping stigma that women are only meant to be docile. Then there are the others, myself included, who think because we don’t say our thoughts for the world to hear, that our voice will never have a place. I have watched shame cloak us like a blanket, rocking us into a sweet apathetic place of discord amongst ourselves.

My sweet sisters, we need you. End of story. There is so much we can learn about conflict from each other. Please don’t shy away from someone who handles conflict differently then you; but if they are a woman fixed on God, humble and willing to learn as they teach, then lean in. Find out what helps them through conflict. Ask them how they handle confrontation. Ask them how they could handle a confrontation better.

Jesus has so much to say about conflict and confrontation. He did not live a life free of conflict while he
was on this earth. However, he maneuvered confrontation in a way that would ultimately bring unity among people. Unity is the goal. No matter your nature, you can learn to engage in great communication and to have any confrontation be constructive.

As one of the quiet ones I have always loved having friends whose personalities may appear stronger than my own. They challenge me. They have helped me grow. I pray for a hunger and eagerness among us to learn how to communicate and have constructive confrontations with one another where the goal is to lead us into a greater unity.

KNOW

1. You are needed. Your unique identity is needed.
2. How you engage in any confrontation matters. It is a topic, though challenging, very worth the study. We can all grow in our abilities.
3. The end goal is not to be right, but to bring unity.

Some great resources are:

“Keep Your Love On!” by Christian author Danny Silk. This is a book that I personally bought multiple copies of (super cheap on Amazon) and passed them out to a bunch of my friends and family. That’s how good it is. It is a super easy read. He also has a blog on his website, Loving On Purpose, that has some amazing articles to help you in conflict and confrontation. Well worth the quick read.
Lastly, if you haven’t started diving into Brene Brown’s work, I strongly recommend “Daring Greatly.” In this book she talks a lot about cultivating “shame resilience” and learning “wholeheartedness”. I believe this is something that will greatly affect the love you hold, when a confrontation comes your way.