Your beauty should not come from outward adornment [...] Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit.
(1 Peter 3:3-4)
LEARN
Before we dive in, let’s do an exercise. Close your eyes, and think of a lake. The lake is clear and glassy - there’s no strong wind or waves - it’s peaceful. Breathe in, breathe out. Allow yourself to experience the lake. Now, let’s get started.
I’m sure we’ve all heard of that passage in 1 Peter - the “gentle and quiet” one. It seems like this is one of those passages that can be easily misunderstood, and I think it’s important that we don’t let a broken view of Scripture skew our view of who God is. This is such a beautiful calling from the Lord for us as women. In this, we know that our beauty isn’t tied to anything but our spirit in the Lord. But what if “gentle and quiet” aren’t the first words that come up when describing your personality?
As Christian women, we desire to be closer to God, to follow his design for us, but sometimes it seems like His design just wasn’t made for our personalities. What about those women who are extroverted, life of the party, outspoken, and opinionated? Does the Bible mean that women should reject who they are, and to be silent, then? Does it mean that we can’t also be warriors? I don’t think that’s what the Bible calls us to at all. God made each of us as unique individuals. He made us into introverts and extroverts, fighters and lovers, quiet and loud. God made you an extrovert - why would He do that if He didn’t want you to be that way? If you’re not someone who easily fits into the box of “quiet”, don’t lose hope. You can still be beautiful in the Lord while being exactly who God created you to be.
So first, what does it mean to be gentle? It’s no mystery that we, as Christians, are called to be like Jesus. Jesus was the picture of perfection, and Scripture shows us that He taught with incredible gentleness. The way that we, as Christian women, can be gentle is to follow in the footsteps of Jesus - loving in our teaching and interactions, but firm in the truth. Jesus never sugar-coated His words to people - in fact, at one point, he advised sinners to actually cut off parts of their body if those parts caused them to sin; “And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell” (Matthew 5:30). To be clear, Jesus doesn’t want us all to start amputating our limbs - bodies are truly gifts from God - he’s telling us that we should be willing to discard what we value most in order to gain godliness. This may seem incredibly direct, but Jesus is telling people this out of love, and gently reminding them that, as unimaginable as a life without a part of your body may seem, the consequences of sinning against God are terrible in comparison. We are called to tell the truth of the gospel, to help our brothers and sisters bear their burdens, to call each other out in love, and sometimes those things are hard. What we have to remember is that we must do these things to bring each other closer to God and away from sin - and that is both loving and gentle.
Now that we’ve discussed gentleness, let’s move on to quiet. Quiet has many different definitions. The definition we usually think of first is being nearly silent. However, I believe God gave us voices and opinions because He wanted us to use them. Another definition of quiet, which I believe Peter was trying to portray, is: the absence of noise or bustle; calm. So then what does this mean for us? Here’s another question: remember that lake from before? After all the busyness and the buzz of the day, after all the swimmers and the boats have gone home, the lake is calm. It doesn’t have any big waves or ripples in its waters. The lake is undisturbed, peaceful. Quiet. This is a picture of what our souls should be. When we’re rushing around, getting frazzled or frustrated, our lake is being torn up by waves - and nobody wants to be out on a boat in rough water. The way that we, as women who are loud, can be gentle and quiet, is to be willing to love and guide each other on our paths to the Lord, while maintaining our calm and quiet waters.
KNOW
There’s nothing wrong with your extroverted personality.
Being silent in the literal sense is not helpful to those around you.
You have a voice so that you can speak into other people’s lives.
Some people may be quiet in their voice or their words, and some may be quiet in their souls - both are beautiful.
Women may be called to submit to their husbands (key word being husbands, not men in general), but they’re also called to lead by example in their faith (1 Peter 3:1-2).
DO
When you find yourself getting anxious, stressed out, frustrated, frazzled, or any variation, come back to the lake. Ask yourself these questions:
What does your lake look like right now?
How does that affect the people around you? Do they see you as a safe and peaceful place, or as a stormy force of nature?
Pray that the Lord will give you a soul that cannot be shaken so easily by the world, and one that can remain calm even when faced with less than ideal conditions.
Read 1 Peter 3 and reflect on what it really calls us, as women, to do. Apply this to the overarching truth about God’s mission for His people.
