Philippians 3:8-9
Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith.
My self-image has always been tricky to understand, but easy to disregard in terms of confronting my sin because of how drastically my own views of myself can shift. Through the years I have found myself sitting on one of those see-saws, alone, running back and forth trying to find balance and obviously failing because see-saws were never made to function with just one person on them. On one end I struggle with being insecure and on the other end I struggle with idolizing myself. This sin in regards to self-image hits to the root of my issues with anxiety as well. I can spend time getting ready, thinking how marvelous I look one morning, and in the same hour have overwhelming insecurities about myself once I step outside and see other women out there who beat me in that department by way of my own standards. I allow my competitive heart to get the best of me and in those moments I either feel defeated or begin to make it my mission to figure out how to win.
My vanity over the years has led me to obsessively workout, go on severely unhealthy calorie restrictive diets, shop too much, and probably look at myself way to much in the mirror to try and reach some form of success by way of my appearance. Most importantly though, my vanity has caused me to overly fixate on myself instead of God. The easy solution seems to be to stop thinking about myself and not care so much. However, when I go along with that thought process, I then pretend to not care and decide to eat what I want and exercise when I feel like it. What ends up happening though is that when I begin to see changes in my appearance I then run to the other side of the see-saw and fall into the self-depreciating talk of being ugly, fat, etc. Even in my insecurities I begin to also obsess over myself and fixate my thoughts on things other than God. Either way I end up putting too much attention on myself and far to little attention on God.
It’s not just appearance that I struggle with in regards to self-image. I can pretty much pick out any area of my life and share my unhealthy relationship with where I seek my worth. I do this because I desire man’s approval, I desire my own perfection, and I desire what the world deems to be success. More often than not it is in these things that I define my self-image because my sin is a constant battle, and one I need to continually be aware of and confess. I fall short daily when I place my self-worth in things apart from God’s view of me as his image bearer. I do this because I crave the desires of my flesh. I even know the truths of what God’s word says about my worth being in Him and I choose to disobey because I am a sinner, in need of God’s grace. The most frustrating part is that there is not a list of things I can do in order to figure out how to master placing all my worth in Christ. I would rather continue trying to figure it out on my own than admit I need someone to sit on the other side of the see-saw for it to work. Looking in, it seems so simple, but my pride gets in the way and I often don’t want to confess the stupidity in what I have been trying to achieve on my own.
When I am honest with God and myself I know that God doesn’t desire for me to work on mastering a perfect lifestyle by way of my own ability, God’s truth guides me by ultimately revealing to me that he will rescue me from myself, even as I strive and fail. It is through my failed attempts that I can count everything as a loss for the sake of knowing Christ because without Christ I am nothing, and through Christ I am redeemed and given a worth far greater than anything I could strive for on my own.
When we can humbly allow God to rescue us from the trap of vanity, insecurity, and idolatry we will begin to see how to rightfully order our focus on him in all areas of our lives.
….Instead of seeking to gain the approval of man we can rest in God’s love for us (Ephesians 2:4-7)
….Instead of striving for a perfect body we can use our bodies to Glorify God (1 Corinthians 6:20)
….Instead of competing for our own glory we can fight to win souls for Christ (Matthew 28:19-20)
….Instead of focusing on our self-image we can focus more on learning about God (Jeremiah 9:23-24)
….What more can you add to this list??? ______________________________
